Few things in the world make me irrationally mad.
1.) Making Money in the Stock Market: Whenever I have a good idea, it usually is followed by enormous losses. Those false senses of hope lead me to think I could actually make a career out of it. I might as well allocate all of my money to Bitcoin to expedite the losing process.
2.) Losing Money in the Stock Market: Self explanatory, it never stops.
3.) People Who Have no Sense of Urgency to Get From Point A to Point B: Any person who has ever had to navigate a city for their job knows that the serial phone users who clog up the sidewalks and subway stations need to be sent to the sun. This is especially true for the people who use phones going up stairs.
4.) Knowing You Did Not Get a Sufficient Wipe and Your Asshole is More Itchy Than The World’s Worst Case of Eczema: You are at work and the toilet paper runs out. You are at a friend’s house and do not want to rummage through cabinets to find a new roll. Do I call a co-worker and tell him I dropped a dirty steamer and need TP? Do I shoot my friend a text to ask for another roll? The answer is no. If my shit is so bad that I cannot make due with a reasonable amount of toilet paper (I check before all my shits) I’m not telling a fucking soul.
Because of this, my ass is subjected to torture that can only be replicated at Guantanamo Bay. Cleaning it is a job Mike Rowe would not even do. It is so bad that Gabrielle Union would not even get near that thing. This brings me to my point that if you are bartering off your toilet paper during this pandemic, you should be put in the COVID-19 ward of a hospital for 24 hours.
I woke up this morning and read the Wall Street Journal (Yes I can read and am professional as fuck). I jump to the business and finance section to see an article titled, “Still Can’t Buy Toilet Paper? You Can Barter for It.” Upon clicking, a picture of a little girl slinging boxes of girl scout cookies shows up. Usually, girl scout cookies would be on my list of things that make me irrationally happy, but today that is not the case.
Not only is this fucking girl hoarding the toilet paper, but she is also trying to make me blow up like a fucking balloon. I hope she gets cocky and throws in her family’s supply of TP into her cookie slinging ring, only to develop explosive diarrhea later. I’ll be sitting outside of that same store with every package of toilet paper left.
I was also fascinated by another story in the article :
WSJ – Edyta Pachowicz was on the phone last month with a friend who had been out of town and was desperately trying to find toilet paper. Ms. Pachowicz, a 45-year-old artist in Los Angeles, had a 12-pack, but considering the needs of herself and her little boy, she said, “I can give you one roll.” Her friend, Dalia MacPhee, hesitated for a moment, Ms. Pachowicz said, then made an offer: “Listen, here’s what I’m going to do. If I leave you with one roll, and you give me the rest, I’ll give you the dress.” Ms. MacPhee, 43, is a designer with her own clothing line, and Ms. Pachowicz said she had been trying for a few years to persuade her to give her a particular print dress, which retails for $100 to $120. So Ms. Pachowicz took the offer. “If worse comes to worst, in like two days, I’ll get more toilet paper, but I’ll have the dress forever,” she said. “She went down to the one roll, but she got this great dress,” Ms. MacPhee said. “It was a fair trade.”
Considering I have never seen Edyta Pachowicz and Danny Ainge in the same place, I am not ruling out that they are the same person. She at most spent $13 on that 12-pack. Pachowicz baited her with the one roll move and suckered MacPhee like Danny Ainge cucked the Nets. My favorite part of this exchange is the quote, “If worse comes to worst, in like two days, I’ll get more toilet paper, but I’ll have the dress forever.” It was almost as if MacPhee did not realize she herself could drive to a store and get toilet paper. Pachowicz outsmarted the barterer and for that reason I am irrationally happy.
Be on the lookout for daily blogs.
Stay poor people
Standardly Poor 